Four Island

Wait for it... wait for it... HAPPY NEW YEAR YAYS! It's me, your regularly scheduled failspaz, ready to usher in the new year with some fantabulous posts of failure! Let's get ready to fail! Now, last year was a horrible pit of despair that I don't care to dwell on or even really remember at all, so I'm just going to stare at my new fractal calendar until I pass out and think it's 2010 again. What is the likelihood of me actually backing up my server today? I don't even think I did it in December... in fact, where the heck am I right now? Anyway, you knew it was coming folks: it's time for the annual goals post! Hey! You in the back! Stop crying!

Now, okay. Let's get one thing straight. In 2010, I let my annual goals consume me until I actually wasn't human anymore and was actually a puppet controlled by Four Island's cronjob. In 2011, I said "screw this, they're guidelines, not rules" and I decided things would be more lax. How did that work out for me? Not very well, I don't think.

• Write four posts a month - Noooo. This was designed to replace the horrid "write a post every week" goal that was torturing me and instead allow me to have some more flexibility in posting. Uh-uh. There were months in 2011 when I didn't even post once, let alone four times. The only month in which I posted over four times was January. Some months were so close, screw you September and October! But yeah, this was a pretty big failure.
• Average around 1 comment per post - I posted... 17 times last year. This is painful. How many comments were there? 23! There were 23 comments posted last year! Okay, 19 if you don't count comments by me, but still! I actually completed this goal! I had no idea! This is fantastic!
• Reach 15,000 posts on The Fourm - Uh, no. I don't even have to check. I mean, I will anyway. The number of posts on The Fourm is up to 12,467. Just... around... how many... there were... last year... This is atrocious. I am very dismayed. Time to nuke The Fourm.
• Release 1 season of Pillowcase - No, oh god, I'm so sorry. I didn't, I couldn't. I worked so hard, but I couldn't complete it. This did not happen. I apologize so profusely. Hey, is my annual apology post fun yet? Someone? Please laugh with me!
• Release 2 programming projects - I was actually closer on this one than I thought I would be. I did not release two programming projects, but I did release one: the new Quotes DB. So, yes, failure, but not complete failure! Always look on the bright side of things, even when there is none and you realize you just ran out of painkillers.

So, another what I call "year of failure." For the third year in a row, I have succeeded in completing exactly one of my annual goals. Well, at least I'm consistent. Let's see what kind of trainwreck I'm setting myself up for this year:

• Write at least four posts a month! Yes, I'm doing this again, because I really think that if I stop lazing around and start drinking more caffeine, this could be a good thing! Four Island needs to be written on! Write about Apple, write about cats, write about interior decorating for all I care! Actually, don't, because that'd be kind of awful, but still. I need to write!
• Guess what, for the fourth year in a row: comment! I want to average at least one (1) comment per post this year. I mean, I've finally achieved this goal through the sheer strength of not posting at all, so imagine if I can complete this goal AND the above goal! How amazing would that be?
• Get 100 quotes into the Quotes DB! In both 2009 and 2010, the number of quotes submitted was over 100, so why can't we do that again? I mean, 40 quotes last year? That's just sad. Let's be hilarious, and let's let other people know about it! I want to revitalize the Quotes DB!
• Release 1 season of Pillowcase! I'm serious, I have to do this! I've been working on Season 4 of Pillowcase for quite a while now, and I'm sure it's going to be amazing once I finally finish it and release it. Just you wait, all you swalligaggers! That was totally a True Falsities reference!
• Do some more freaking programming! Yes, I'd like to try again at releasing 2 programming projects this year. I have some ideas, some things could happen, and well, I need to drink more caffeine. I need to stop failing. I can totally be awesome this year, and this post isn't becoming awkward for anyone at all. Stop yelling at me!

So, here's the list of things I hope to do this year. Do you believe I can succeed? If you do, raise your hands and sing a Marina & the Diamonds song! It's 2012, baby, and things are going to be awesome! None of us are going to die, either! So, with the risk of jinxing my future: this year's going to be great! Let's get back on our feet and do stuff! Do you like my pep talks? I sure hope you do, nameless stranger, because they will continue to get weirder. Have a great year!