Four Island

OH MY GOD THIS ONE ANNOYS ME VERILY. Okay, so, do you have any younger siblings or sapient pets that have a VERY LOOSE GRASP ON THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE? I actually have a couple of those (guess which) and while they are very good as a source of content for my RANDOM ENGLISH RANTs, their vehement denial that their English is incorrect makes me want to take up bulldozing and drop a mastodon on their rooms. Here is their latest English horror that makes me cry:

**Starla**: None of your friends have email?
**Younger Sibling Or Sapient Pet**: All of my friends don't believe in Internet.
*** Starla** starts screaming and shooting
**Starla**: NONE OF YOUR FRIENDS BELIEVE IN INTERNET. NONE NONE DOOMSDAY HAS FALLEN RUN FOR YOUR LIVES- *shot*

While that is a bit exaggerated, my point is sort of clear. While combining "all" and a negative verb like "don't" may actually be grammatically correct as I cannot currently find anything on it, IT SOUNDS QUITE HORRIBLE. JUST SAY NONE. JUST SAY NONE. JUST LIKE YOU WOULD SAY NO TO DRUGS. JUST SAY NONE. IT'S A FEWER NUMBER OF WORDS! ISN'T THAT BETTER OR SOMETHING? JUST SAY NONE. SAY IT NOW.

Here are some practice questions to test your new knowledge. If the sentence is incorrect, correct it, otherwise, write "Correct."

1. All of my friends hate you.
2. None of those potatoes have been washed recently.
3. Coach Z looks fat in that photo.
4. All of those tapes must give us dogs.

Okay, I couldn't bring myself to type THE INCORRECTION, regardless of the fact that I did earlier in that semi-fabricated conversation I had with my younger sibling or sapient pet. Anyway, I hope that by now, I've successfully established myself as a prescriptivist. Thank you for your time.